Sunday, January 15, 2012

Love and Independence

This was a fantastic chapter of “The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers.” Again, we didn't even discuss the entire chapter! All of us found it encouraging that our teens really do still want to be with us, but they want to look older and more independent. This is why they seem to shun us at times. It’s not personal…it’s about independence!
One section of the chapter that we really camped on was about having their own car and who pays for what. We all agreed that teaching financial responsibility is completely crucial for teens, but we didn’t all agree on how much a teen should pay for what. It does seem that today, teens need a car to have a job, but they need a job to buy a car. Obviously, each family is different, and it was interesting to hear our own stories of our first car and how it was obtained. I think the key is being on the same page as your spouse, and being deliberate with a plan for teaching responsibility.

We also discussed whether or not to require teens to attend family functions. The author said that if a teen has plans already in place when a family event is scheduled, the teen should be allowed to bow out. A few of us had issue with this, and it made for an interesting discussion.  We decided that it really depended on what the teen’s “plans” were. If they had been coordinating a bunch of friends to go to a movie, it doesn’t seem fair to demand they drop everything to visit Aunt Mable when she stops by at the last minute on a road trip. However, some family events need to be attended by the entire family, and if the teens “plans” are to simply hang out somewhere else, that doesn’t work.

Overall, it was a good idea planted that sometimes teens need an “out” from a family event, but parents have every right to put their foot down on some occasions. We talked also about planning events that everyone enjoys. Sometimes the whole family can enjoy something the teen loves. That can go a long way. How about asking the teen what they’d like to do on vacation? Also, if the family needs to attend something that really isn’t enjoyed by all…why not all go to ice cream afterwards?

Sounds fun to me.

See you next week for chapter 12 “Love and Responsibility” next Thursday at Symposium Coffee at 10am.

~kristi J

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