42% of guys and 33% of girls aged 15-17 have had intercourse.
2/3 of US teens who have had sex wish they had waited longer.
The average age of the first internet exposure to porn is…11 years old.
The largest consumer of internet porn is the 12-17 age group.
Yikes! Why is sexuality and pornography on the rise? Most teens are exposed to porn in the internet the first time by mistake. It’s no surprise that it is lurking everywhere. Then they start evading filters. They feel shame and fear talking to their parents because they will “freak out.” Pornography is a true addition, and it’s much better to break the addition before the age of 18 because of the incredible damage that is done.
The best thing you can do to you teens is to protect them and have open communication. We need to talk to our kids about sex and porn as soon as possible. They are going to have the conversation anyway, and its better coming from you. Teens are fighting for independence, NOT space, and they need truth from parents. Stay engaged with them, even when they fight it and push back.
Teens need help processing this information. At age 13, teens can think abstractly in a particular context, but they struggle with applying it to other situations. So, they can understand that something is dangerous, but put them in a related situation and they will take the risk. True!
One idea to initiate conversation is to create a “No Freak Out Conversation Card” that you or your teen can leave in a certain place (think bathroom) to establish that a conversation needs to happen, and you as a parent won’t “freak out.” We can definitely set boundaries and consequences, but we promise we will not “freak out” and overreact to the situation. Then… DON’T freak out! J
It is really important to set up some sort of accountability on the internet. There is “Covenant Eyes” and “X3Watch” that takes over your browser and will send emails to accountability partners of sites you have visited (even places like Victoria’s Secret and Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader sites). They work for PCs, laptops and PHONES. We need to be aware that many phones have internet access, and this is a great way to be sneaky. Branden recommended that some sort of accountability/filters be set on every media device for every person regardless of age because the statistics are just too extreme.
The accountability programs allow a teen to fail under your protection. You can then have the conversation about pornography and why it’s damaging. You can love on them and extend grace instead of starting them on the shame cycle that can start addition.
So, why is porn wrong? It gives a completely distorted image of sexuality. Boys start to view women as objects and girls think they need to look and act that way. Once they are in a relationship, they realize that real sex is not this way, and they start to seek other avenues. Other perverse actions are pursued and things accelerate with increasing depravity.
Branden recommended if we’d like a good snapshop of this current generation to read the book “Hurt” by Chap Clark.
Whew!
One mom highly recommended the movie “Courageous” saying it was not only encouraging and inspiring, but it really motivates the audience to do something to be better parents.
Alright. Next week we are going to discuss “The Five Love Languages of Teenagers” chapter 4 “Love Language #2: Physical Touch.” Fitting, don’t you think? J
See you next week!
~kristi
Branden Campbell is the senior high pastor of Rolling Hills Community Church
Stats at the beginning of this blog are from: http://www.puremorality.org/NCPCFstats.htm
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